January 6, 2011

“Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...”

Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.” E. Joseph Cossman

Have you ever felt like everything is going wrong and it all seems so complicated and difficult? ... I think we all go through times like that and I guess it's my turn now. I have been feeling very demotivated lately, nothing seems to be going the way I want it to. There are various reasons why this is but I just can't find the optimism that usually lies within me. 

I don't know, maybe it's just "one of those days" which is lasting a little bit more... the problem is I know exactly why I am feeling this way, but the thing is I feel completely hopeless as I feel there's nothing I can do. What I need is to change attitude, regain my optimism, stop pondering on all the things which have not worked lately.. but, it's easier said than done.

Tomorrow I'm flying back to scotland for exams, to be honest I'm not that excited and not just because it's exams time... don't get me wrong I'm looking forward seeing friends again whom I love spending time with but for many other reasons I think I've really had enough of "the bubble"... I want a change scenery, move on... maybe I'm getting tired of leaving in a "bubble"... I love St Andrews, it's a beautiful place and I've had soo many good times, I just think I've had enough of it. Maybe I'm just having a "mid(academic)-life" crisis, I don't know but I've never felt so willing to get out of that place as I do now. 

Hopefully this will change. It's probably just messed up hormones which are making me feel all emotional and crazy. Maybe it's just me... getting bored easily, with my need for change and novelty. 

Or maybe, I just simply need to go for a good run...

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Robert McCloskey

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